Life and Learning: "Jose"

"Jose" (name changed for privacy) was a wonderful student all of first semester. He was helpful - he would make sure that when it was his turn to clean the tables, they were done perfectly. And he wanted my assurance for that. He would ask me if his cleaning was better than the "other students who just didn't care." I would assure him that his cleaning was wonderful and I appreciated so much his caring. But I noticed that little by little he would compare his ceramic work to other students' ceramic work. He would say, "I suck at ceramics! Look how hers is so much better!" I assured him that he did some great work and shouldn't be comparing himself all the time to others. What mattered was that he was trying his best.
Then, in spring semester, things suddenly changed to be much worse. A friend of his whom he walked to school with every day was in a different period of mine. He started asking compulsively if his friend's work was better that day, if his friend was "good" that day, if his friend was cleaning up after himself that day, etc.... And he would say that his friend was so bad. That I didn't realize how bad his friend was. He spoke about his friends, "Evil smile" as he put it, constantly.
I finally had to put an end to it. I told him, "That's it. You are not allowed to talk about your friend in this class anymore. He's not here to defend himself and I care about you when you are in my class. I don't want to talk about him unless he's in my class!" "Jose's" negative talk about himself also had to stop. I told him, "Jose" I want you and I to talk positively about things and life." It's important because the more that you focus on the positive, the more that you will see positive things in life. And I want you to have a positive, happy life.
At first this worked very well. We had some great conversations. It was a joy talking to him.
However, I did notice that he was alienating the people around him. The girl across from him had an unusual name which I mispronounced at first. "Jose" decided that it was funny to purposefully mispronounce her name loudly and repetitively day after day. The young woman asked to have her seat changed. I told her that they should talk about it. I talked privately to "Jose" about it annoying the young woman that he was purposely saying her name wrong. Jose said that I was being too sensitive.
Then, on a Monday, things changed for the worse. He put his head down the whole period. He wouldn't talk to me or anyone.
I was very worried. I asked to speak to him after class. I asked him what was wrong. He told me that he decided that he is going to fail all of his classes and he is not going to graduate. I asked him why. He said that all of his teachers hate him and that I prefer the people on the other side of the classroom. I assured him that I absolutely did not prefer those people. They constantly are raising their hands asking for my help so I do spend more time over there. "Jose's" side of the class doesn't ask for help as much but I always come over as soon as I know they need help. He told me that he didn't believe me. I told him that people love him at home like his mom and she will be so proud of him when he graduates. He responded that his mom doesn't really love him either. He said that no one really loves him. Everyone just pretends in life. I assured him that there are plenty of good people in the world. He disagreed.
The next class was the same. I called his mom to see if anything had happened at home. She told me that she noticed this sudden change in him but wasn't sure what to do. I wote an email to his counselor. The counselor spoke to him and told me that he says that everyone's against him and he has given up.
After a couple more emails, she told me that she was done trying. "He was going to do what he was going to do," she said.
I went to every single person on his side of the classroom. I asked each student if he/she felt that I didn't give him/her enough attention. I asked each student if he/she felt comfortable asking for help. All of those students said that they felt comfortable asking for help, felt that I valued them, and that I gave them enough attention.
"Jose" kept on refusing to do any work in class and he told me that he was like this in all of his classes so I shouldn't take it personally. My heart was heavy even now as I think about it but I called up the dean and spoke to him about "Jose." The dean agreed to talk to him.
I sent him down to the dean as "Jose" told me, "It's not going to make any difference. I am going to fail all of my classes."
"Jose" returned about half hour later. He sat in his seat, his face as red as it could possibly be! He looked as if he might explode! I was incredibly concerned.
The bell rang and "Jose" came up to me and said, "I want to apologize for my behavior in your classroom. The dean gave me detention and I am going to use this time to think about my life," he said. I told "Jose" how relieved I was that he was making this change for his bright future.
The next week got slowly better with him working now but still negative and pretty silent to all but one guy once in awhile sitting next to him.
As his last project, he made the bowl that is shown here. It says, "One VS All on a blue flag," and "Rise above Hate" around the bowl. I told him that I like that he is choosing to rise above hate. He told me that all people are hateful so you need to go against them. I told him that's not true but he ignored me.
I made the red ceramic heart representing that love conquers all and put the note with it inside the bowl. I am hoping that in using phrases in this note that all of us may have heard at one point or another, he may hear those phrases in the future, and it will bring him back to this moment.
On that last day of school, he came to pick up his bowl that was now completed from going into the kiln. I saw him read the note. He held the ceramic heart with the note and his bowl for the rest of the hour and a half class and then left with them firmly in his hands.
I saw his friend after graduation and he said that "Jose" looked happy as he graduated, and I certainly hope that I hear from him again!
Here's that last project and what I wrote after lots of contemplation!