You Are Beautiful!!!

I teach at the most diverse high school in my whole school district. On a daily basis I am touched with the kindness that I witness in interactions and friendships I see amongst people of all backgrounds. I hear my students freely speak about their dreams, fears, and thoughts about this world as they work on their projects.

But sometimes, and too often the conversation revolve around things they don't like in how they look. And I'm shocked by how many times I have overheard students say that they wish their skin was lighter. I know that it's typical for people as they grow up to want to look like those people that they admire. I remember when I was in high school perming my hair a couple of times a year - it would come off in inch pieces with the damage. I always wished that I had bigger lips, a smaller nose, dimples, and wanted so much to be slimmer. So how can we combat those feelings?

In The book, "The Secret," there is a woman that says that some of her heroes or sheros when she was growing up were Wonder Woman, and the Bionic Woman. She said that with her full lips, curvy hips, and curly hair, she didn't look like them. She didn’t like the way she looked and she kept looking for other people to make her feel beautiful. 

Eventually she learned that she needed to love the way she looked first. Then other people would see her beauty. So, how could I help my students see and accept their beauty?

I looked on the internet and found people of every background that are beautiful. Yes, there are more people with dark skin on my door. That reflects the people in my classroom. And what I see is that people with lighter skin are far more likely to be seen in the public eye. Using the woman in “The Secret” as inspiration, I felt that it might help if my students see more people that “look like them” that are beautiful.

I put the photos up and then played the audio of “The Secret” where the woman spoke of finally accepting her own beauty and how others then saw the beauty within her. 

My follow up project to this is my “Perseverance Leads to Success” Wall that I’ll post next for you. It shows photos with write-ups on people who have overcome circumstances through their intelligence, and effort to become successful. This wall features mostly people of Latin and African ancestry because I want my students to have a daily reminder of people who are highly successful and are making a positive difference in the world that “look like them” because that seems to be important to them. My students are my children and color doesn’t matter to me. But in over hearing my students’ conversations, color does matter to them. Hopefully, it will remind them that they can be successful, accepted, and respected. The more that we are thankful for everything that we have, the more that we see the possibilities and beauty that can be in store for our lives.

What Can I Do to Be Happier?

A few years ago, my husband and I were working too much, worrying too much, and not finding much joy in the present. 

We came across a movie on Netflix (also on Amazon Prime, and OV Guide says it can be downloaded for free but I have no experience with that site) called "Happy" that came out in 2011. 

The movie is about a director who goes all over the world to interview people who said that they are exceptionally happy on a questionaire to ask them why they feel that way. It was very interesting and led my husband to more research on happiness. He purchased "The Happiness Advantage," It is a short book. You can find a synopsis of it on Carpe Diem 101 - much more in depth than the synopsis that I give my students and will post here. However, for short attention spans, this synopsis works well.

So, here's what I learned from the book and I had posted on the door of my classroom for the first 3 months of this school year and all of the 2 past school years so that my students can stare at it the last 2 minutes of class before they walk out the door:

From the book, "Happiness Advantage"

By doing research studying some of the happiest people in the world, this is what researchers found:

1) The happiest people have enough money to buy food and have a place to live in (fulfilling basic survival needs).

2) The happiest people in the world are not rich. Rich people tend to think a lot about what they don't have: they are constantly comparing their possessions to others’ possessions and that makes them unhappy.

3) The happiest people do at least one kind thing for another person each day. An example could be as simple as opening a door for someone.

5) The happiest people do at least one fun thing each day. 

6) The happiest people think about 3 things that they are thankful for every day. They are grateful for what they have right now. They appreciate the good things that they have in life. They focus on the positive things in life. They don’t dwell on negative things.

7) The happiest people volunteer to help. 

8) The happiest people have at least 5 friends.

9) When the happiest people have big goals that they want to accomplish, they break a goal up into smaller goals that result in them more often accomplishing the big goal. Breaking a big goal up into smaller goals means that they can be successful more often (which makes them happier), and they are more likely to succeed at the big goal eventually.

10) The happiest people fail sometimes but they are able to see what they should improve on so that they are more successful the next time. 

11) Exercising 40 minutes every day makes people happier.

12)   The 200 research studies on happiness showed the author that happiness LEADS to more success in all areas of our lives, not the other way around. So, in other words, focusing on the positive now, will lead you to a more successful and happy life as you go on in life. Attitude is everything!

A Project for Happiness in Support of #3 on the List

When I thought about this blog article, the first thing that came to mind was an experience I had last year. I arrived at 6:30AM to find that the second floor of my building was plastered with sticky notes, photo below. My heart was happy as I walked through the hallway, read them, and took these photos. I was so happy to know that some people cared enough to go through this effort of writing positive notes for hundreds of students whom they didn’t know. I wondered, “Did they get class credit for maybe an English class or something else for it?” 

Then, a janitor arrived and began taking them down. I went up to her and asked why. She told me that the Plant Manager said that they would eventually fall on the floor and create a mess so she’d already removed those on another floor. She said that the people who put them up didn’t secure the permission of the principal beforehand. I asked her to stop and think about all of the work and care that was put into these positive notes and how much good this gesture could bring about. I told her that for the next week, every day at nutrition, I would pick up any notes that fell on the floor. So, an agreement was struck and followed. I tell you this because if you decide to do something like this, it’s exceptionally important that all people in charge are notified beforehand.

I went to the office and asked who put up the notes. I was told that the students who put up the notes were asked that no one ever be told who was responsible for this deed. They did NOT receive any class credit and had no teacher support for this. I was also told that they had secured prior permission from the principal. However, the principal did not tell the Plant Manager about it. 

The bottom line is that gesture brightened the day of many people that day including myself. And who knows? If the message was especially significant to the person who received it, it could effect them even years into the future.

In my study of psychology many years ago, I remember reading about a research study where one group of participants were asked to take an easy test and then payed for their participation, and the other group of participants were asked to take a long, arduous test and then paid. Outside was a person asking for donations for something (I don’t recall for what). 

The research was trying to answer the question: would there be a difference in the generosity of the participants depending on their experience beforehand? 

The results were that people were more than twice more likely to be generous when they were in a positive frame of mind beforehand (had taken the easy test). 

Before my husband’s research on happiness, he was a cranky guy. But he decided to actually do the things that he learned would help make him happier, and that change in him has made my life a lot happier and easier too. 

I have made changes too and focus more on the positive. It has changed my life experience.

In the book, “The Secret,” it says something like - even if you’re frustrated with everything in your life right now,  and you even must wear  eyeglasses, you can still begin with being grateful that you have the eyes to see. 

I wish you all much happiness on your journey. We are all in this together.